Why I Am a Jerk

First of all, the title has a little bit of a "try to catch your eye" influence. I don't really think I am a jerk. I do however think I appear to be a huge jerk to alot of people, perhaps even to everyone sometimes.

The fact is I care for people more than anyone I know. I am so concerned with the welfare of everyone I meet. Because I am so concerned, I feel a sense of desperation when I see people I love - and even people I don't know - not loving and not respecting themselves. For instance, when I was in a relationship before I met Charis, Randy seemed like such a huge jerk to me, because he expressed his concern for me, sometimes almost violently. Because he loves me. Because I am his friend. And I'd even say, simply because I am a human being.


I view people as valuable. I want them to respect themselves. I want them to make good, wise decisions, for their own sake. This is crucial, I impose my worldviews whenever I believe is necessary, because I want to warn people of potential mistakes! I want all of you to be informed, to be pure and to be successful.

I hope you all realize what you're doing; if it's good, I hope you continue, if bad I pray you'll stop before you destroy yourself.

Choose Joy

Greenday has a song, "Time of Your Life," which Randy and I played at our graduation. In this song one hears the overall message that life's going the way it's going to go, so hang on, make the best of it and enjoy it. I must confess that the past few months, for me, have been enjoyed. It's a weird feeling getting diagnosed with a disease, especially at so young an age. It's also somewhat frustrating. There are some days where I cry and weep, because the pain is so bad and because I cannot do anything while I'm in pain. But in spite of that, I'm still happy.

Which brings me to a familiar platitude: you are the chooser of your attitude. Seriously. There is nothing that anyone can do or circumstances that can come your way that can change your attitude. You choose it. Some people are naturally skeptical. Those people are temporarily happy when something good happens, but overall they remain skeptical. They choose to be thus. I have chosen to be happy and am.

I'm not trying to blow my own horn or present myself as an awesome individual, because I have flaws as does everyone. I find it very hard to be kind to stupid people. I know that's not Christ-like at all, but that's the kind of a jerk I am and that's what needs repair in my life. :)

All I am saying is that if you want to be happy, joyful and lighthearted, be that way. Just do it. Life is unpredictable. But if we didn't have valleys, there would be no mountains. :)

-=- Lysol Pionex

\m/, ^o^ ,\m/